The next chapter…

I’m going to go ahead and apologize from start- Today’s been weirdly emotional for me so- sorry if this blog is a bit melodramatic-

Let me start off with the happy aka “good” news; We’ve started the process of building our forever home!!!! Well… kinda lol we’re still a long ways away BUT…. We finally decided who we’re going with to build, and signed on what floor plan we want. SO EXCITED!! If we jump on the building part now they are saying we could be moved in by February 2021, the only thing about that is we’d like to let Brayklee finish up 5th grade where she’s at and the drive would be a bit much for 3-4 mths if had to take them to and from school. So there’s that- But guys our home is going to be lovely! I think I’m most excited to see my hidden pantry we added, or maybe the big porches! I cannot wait to move forward on this process.

Now the sad “bad” news, today was “Snip snip” day for the hubby, and even though we both agreed this is what we wanted, boy did I not know to expect the feelings going through me right now. I know each pregnancy was harder than the one before, I’m not old but I’m not a spring chicken either. I’m probably mentally capped already being a mother of 3 with a full time job, who loves to be on the go and always has something planned. I know it wouldn’t be fair to my children or my husband to share even more of their time. I know vacations would be harder, and would it even be financially responsible? I want the best for our children. What I didn’t know is how I would feel once the vasectomy was completed. Once he went back it really hit; my child bearing chapter of my life is over! I immediately began to feel dread and regret at the thought of the permanency of this vasectomy.  I will never again experience things like the baby kicks from within or the joy that comes from watching my newborn experience all their firsts-No more baby giggles. No more “mama” or “dada”. No more baby snuggles when everyone is still sleeping. I love being a mom and I love the baby stage. Of course, I was WAY more exhausted, but I was so full of happiness and joy at the thought of this little squish that I made, birthed, and fed. I feel so sad that such an amazing part of my motherhood journey is over- now do you see where the apology melodramatic comment came from-

But like I said from the start- The next chapter, it’s here. I know it will be a new and exciting chapter in my family’s lives and in my marriage. The kids are growing up to be amazing little humans. Brayklee is such a “go getter” She has all these plans; her blog, her online shop, youtube channel- I took her to work the other day and they child wrote a book and has been looking up “self publishing” book sites! JayceeRae is just as ambitious, but right now she’s just trying to get more animals out of us- hey no more babies- maybe some more critters??? I think her last wish was a baby goat – well two because she wants to name them Salt and Pepper… LOL Jax, my sweet sweet Jax is wiser than his years, and his love and care for us is magical. This time goes by so fast, so I’m just going to sit back and soak it all in. I am so looking forward to see what the future looks like in this new chapter. – Plus more kids would mean never sitting in a booth at a restaurant again 😉 I guess I’ll be ok LOL!!